Questioner (Q): Pranaam Acharyaji! I’ve been living my life completely confined to the four walls of the house, and I didn’t realize for a very long time the impact it has been having on me. It is only after seeing your videos and then, reflecting on the way I’m living my life, seeing the consequences of it, I can see how bad my life is now.
I have left most of the household tasks to create time for myself, to get into new things, but I’m not able to do it. I want to learn so many things and I’m not able to do it. I mostly see myself as a failure. (questioner getting emotional and weeping).
I am trying many things that are coming my way. I keep exploring, but I’m not able to go deeper into anything. I feel I’ve wasted a lot of time, and I’m not able to improve myself.
Acharya Prashant (AP): Even these tears are an improvement. Even these tears are an improvement. See, you shouldn’t underestimate your odds.
Q: My doing is very little. There are thoughts, but not doing.
AP: I understand. When you say doing, what you mean is tangible progress, right? You’re talking of the ground that you’re covering against your challenges, right? But why do you underestimate the challenge you’re facing?
Do you know what you’re up against?
You’re up against centuries of history, and you’re up against millions of years of evolution of the human body, specifically the female body. That’s what you’re challenging.
Forget about progress; I say, even stalemate is victory. Even if you continue to lose, you’re still victorious, provided you’ve not quit. The mammoth enemy you’re facing, how did you imagine that you’ll get quick success?
But when you consider the immensity of the beast you’re challenging, then you feel proud of even your little successes against that beast. That beast is huge, very huge Sandhya ji (questioner).
Had it not been so huge, how would it have devoured the entire population of this planet? You’re doing something that’s so rare. What you’re attempting is unique; one in a thousand, one in a million even attempt it. So, have that self-esteem, and don’t look for quick gains - they won’t come your way.
Feel proud that you’re struggling. There’s dignity in the right struggle.
And that’s what we regularly talk of as nishkam karma - the dignity in the right struggle, with great disdain towards results. Sometimes indifference doesn’t suffice, you need to be disdainful of the results; I’ll tell you why.
Because the results will be almost always against you; the results will make ugly faces at you; the results would be trying to break your faith. Then mere indifference will not suffice, you need to be contemptuous towards the results; to hell with the results, to hell with all my failures. It is sufficient that I still exist as I must, it is sufficient that I’m not quitting. Come on, I am ready for the next failure, come on! Come on!
Learn the dignity in defeat. The world sells you cheap battles, therefore the world glorifies winners. In the right battle, winning is a utopian luxury. Just standing firm is enough. Right? So, don’t measure your success or failure on worldly yardsticks. If you use the benchmarks of the world, they’ll say, “Only the big successes are worth anything, and those who are not succeeding are fools”, right?
Remember your odds;remember that you’re unique; remember that you’re among the privileged few who respond to the call of Truth; remember that the speed of someone running down a slope and the speed of someone climbing the Mount Everest cannot be compared. The world venerates speedy achievers, and in the world it’s possible to gather a lot of speed. Why?
Because the world is anyway rundown a slippery slope. So, it’s very easy to gather speed. And there, you have all these speedy achievers out-running each other. What you’re doing is a climb up the Everest. Your progress will be slow, and your victory doesn’t lie merely in hitting the peak. Your victory lies in the attempt itself. Are you getting it?
The very fact that you’ve attempted and that you continue to attempt is enough - nothing more is needed. Just be honest and loving in your attempts; give it everything that you have, and forget the results. Ah, we said, be disdainful of the results. Even if there’s a success, do not value it too much. If you value your occasional success too much, you’ll be punished to value a lots of failures that’ll inevitably come your way.
So occasionally, when you succeed, take it in your stride, right? “Success, failures, I don’t know. I’m doing, I’m trying, I exist, I truthfully exist; my existence is enough.” When somebody tells you, “You won’t succeed”, let that bring a smile to you. Because what he’s telling is a fact, right? What success are we talking of?
There can only be a thorough and lively battle, an enthralling battle - that’s what is worth it. Victory is not really a given to a mortal.
Q: It’s not about victory or something like that Acharya Ji. I’m just going blank most of the times, I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I feel that my son is better than me.
AP: That’s what. See, better. You’re comparing yourself to the world. You’re climbing up the Everest, with the speedometer of a Mercedes. And when you do not see the needle making any movement, you feel discouraged. You’re using the wrong standards.
Yes, of course, your son is better than you, because right now, all he has is his biological agenda to pursue. And he’ll do far better than you on that turf. In fact, a one year old will outperform you in all ways, because of the standards that a one year old has to match. The one year old cannot fail, because the standards are so low and so obvious.
Even an animal cannot fail. Can a dog fail to wag its tail? See, success. Applaud and feel miserable. The dog succeeded and Sandhya (questioner) failed; the dog wagged its tail and Sandhya couldn’t wag her tail. The thing is, you don’t realize that you don’t have a tail. Your standards are different. You’ll never be able to beat the dogs when it comes to wagging the tail.
That’s what this world is all about. All the dogs are busy competing (moving his index finger rapidly to indicate wagging of tail), and here you’re, disconsolate, thinking, “Oh my God, look at that one, wagging frequency of 200 Hz.” Just as you said, “You know even my son is better than me”, tomorrow you’ll say, “Even my dog is better than me.”
Q: Somehow I don’t know why, but I’m able to see myself as totally unworthy.
AP: Obviously, you’re totally unworthy. When an elephant will try to fly, it’ll feel very unworthy. You are doing something that’s in a different dimension compared to the normal worldly beings. Therefore the standards of your success have to be very different. You cannot look at the normal people, compare yourself and feel dejected. This is Maya.
And if you continue to feel dejected very frequently, a point will come when you’ll just break. You’ll say, “I surrender.”
Have a thick skin. In the right battle, you cannot be a very sensitive one; you need to have the skin of a Rhinoceros, and a horn to boot, if possible. Somebody troubles you too much, just be a bit nosy and give it into him (doing a head butt like a Rhinoceros)
I get defeated fifty times a day Sandhya ji (questioner). Do I let that impact by self-worth? Do you look at me as some kind of a superman, or champion or what? I’m a serial loser; the sequence of my defeats is endless, and still I manage to come and speak to you about wars and fights.
I’m saying this because it’s possible that you’re comparing yourself even to me, and thinking you know, “He sits there and he talks of all the right things. He’s continuously succeeding, he’s a big champion, and only I’m such an abject failure.” No, you’re not! If you want company in your defeats, let’s make a losers club. Appoint me the president - I’ll not settle for anything less than that. That’s my ego, you know; even in the losers club, I must be the president.
Feeling better?
Now go get defeated once more.
