Questioner (Q): Acharya Ji, what is attachment? How to go past it?
Acharya Prashant (AP): Pankaj, attachment is a quality of Prakṛti . Where there is stuff there is attachment. Things get attracted to each other and things repulse each other. You cannot find two molecules in the entire universe that have no relation to each other. Bring any two molecules to each other and they will find a way to get related. Some kind of relationship will develop.
In some cases the relationship will be immediate and explosive, in other cases, the relationship may take a million years to develop. In some cases, the nucleus itself might split and there can be a great nuclear reaction, in other cases, there can be a weak hydrogen bond between the two molecules but some relationships will develop. Even if you bring two molecules of two inert gasses together they too will find a way to relate, that is attachment for you.
Attachment is a property of the physical universe. Wherever there is physicality, there is bound to be attachment. In the universe, things are always looking forward to do something because nothing is settled, nothing is at peace. So, everything is wanting to do something to come to peace. Everything is wanting to react with something.
You know what the purpose of any chemical reaction is? Molecule A and B react to give a molecule C and molecule C is more stable than molecules A and B. Entire physical nature is trying to come to a point where it can be stable, where it can be in equilibrium, where it does not need to change further.
You see, this container has some tea and if the tea is left in this container for long, very long you will not be able to remove the mark of tea from the container. The container would get permanently stained. What is that? That is attachment.
Two molecules came in contact with each other for sufficiently long time and now they are one; because they both were trying to somehow get something, and their proximity to each other provided them an opportunity.
They said, “Fine, we anyway have to do something and we do not know what is the right thing to do; because we anyway do not know what is the right thing to do, so let's try out this thing”. What is the thing that they try out then? They say, “Let's combine”. So, the walls of this container combined with the tea molecules. That is attachment.
Keep any two things together for sufficiently long period of time and they get bonded to each other, that is attachment. Obviously, attachment pertains to the physical nature of stuff and therefore attachment has nothing to do with love. Keep any two people together for a sufficiently long length of time and you will find that they have developed some equation. That equation is attachment.
So, two things are required. One, proximity, physical proximity, clear physical proximity, and second, time(length); that's how molecules react. That's how persons get attached and there is a great similarity between the two, molecules getting reactive to each other and persons getting attached to each other. In both the cases, it is just the physical nature at play.
Now, you're asking, “Even though I suffer so much in attachment why am I unable to go past it?”. You won't be able to go past attachment if you are promoting your physical nature in several other ways. If you live in a way that promotes and nourishes and validates your physical nature then you will be very very susceptible to attachment. Attachment would forever remain a problem with someone if he sees himself as the body. The more you look at yourself as a body, the more vulnerable to attachment would you be.
Now, you want freedom from attachment but you don't want freedom from body centricity, that cannot happen. For example, you are highly lustful, let’s say; or gluttonous, whatever, or lazy, physically lazy; all these things pertain to the body. So you live a very body-centered life or let's say you are very particular about you looking handsome, so you visit the salon twice a week or you know those kinds of things.
Now you live a very very body-centered life. Obviously, you will be someone who will be very very susceptible to attachment but then attachment hurts when the object you are attached to cannot be obtained. Body simplicity does not hurt, lust does not hurt, laziness does not hurt, getting complimented on your looks does not hurt. Those things don't hurt so you continue with them.
Attachment hurts so you want to drop attachment but attachment cannot be dropped if you continue with those things, and that is why people remain victims of attachment even though they clearly realize that what they are in is merely a product of space and time and not love at all, yet they are unable to drop it. They are unable to drop it because you cannot drop one part of the body.
Living as the body, you cannot say, “I don't want to have such hands or such a kidney”. If you are body-centered then you will have to tolerate everything that the body brings in its wake. The body brings you pleasure, you take it. The body brings you a certain identity, you take it. The body brings your relationships, you take them. The body will also bring you the pains related to attachment and you will have to take those pains as well.
Now, if you want to drop attachment, then see in what ways you live just as someone identified with this small world. If you're listening to this and in the middle of this you feel hungry and you go out then obviously you have decided that you are the body. Now obviously, you will be troubled by all the things that body-centricity brings you. If you are someone who starts feeling sleepy in the middle of the session then obviously you will also be someone who will have to be a victim to many other body-related disorders.
Now you have no right even to complain. Now if you complain then your complaint will be dismissed without consideration. You asked for it, you got it. What are you complaining about now? This is exactly what you asked for.
Impure consciousness gets attached. What is impure consciousness? Consciousness that is stuffed with stuff is impure consciousness. Consciousness in which stuff has a lot of value is impure consciousness. Consciousness that is centered on stuff is impure consciousness, and the stuff, as we know, gets attached, just gets attached.
Look at all these little things happening all the time around you. They will tell you what is happening within you. The gravy is sticking to the frying pan, that's husband and wife. Obviously, that also needs some fire, so that’s husband and wife and youth.
There is the frying pan, there is the gravy and have you seen how the gravy sticks to the frying pan? Then you have to apply a lot of violence to separate the two and even if you apply that violence, there is bound to be some de-coloration, a little bit of paint comes off and then someone has to visit the saloon “the paint has come off”.
Do not open a lock for a long time and then try opening it. Your old village house, not in use anymore and in that house an old storeroom and it is now being attempted to be unlocked after four years. Try opening that lock. What happens? What happens? That's attachment.
Something just got attached to something and now things don't move. The lock doesn't open. It's a permanent lock and you're wondering what has happened or a visit to the dentist “Ah, the damn thing is paining, why is it paining?” That's attachment. The food got attached to the bones, the teeth, that's attachment and now the dentist does stuff to remove the attachment. It isn't as if the attached stuff is of any use to the body or the teeth but it's just a material thing. Any two things remaining close together for long will enter into a relationship, that's attachment.
Now you know why you must rinse your mouth after meals. That has a spiritual use, detachment. Otherwise the food particles, they stay and they get attached. In life also, periodic rather frequent rinsing is required. Otherwise, all kinds of stupid stuff gets attached and then you have to go to the dentist and pay the fee and bear the pain. So keep rinsing.
Here is a small queue. The more you find a person living in a bodily way, the more you must know that this person is going to get attached to suitable stuff. If a fellow has taken great care to decorate himself, be very very cautious of that fellow. He will cling to you like the kitten clings to the cat.
Anmol was quite gloomy two months back. I asked him what is the matter. He said, “She's so pretty, hot, and attractive but she doesn't look at me.” So, he was gloomy. So, I decided to have some perverse fun. I said, “Describe her” and he described. He said, “Gorgeous, curvaceous, this and that”. So, I drank all of that and then I said, “Does that happen naturally to her? How is she so very pretty and shimmering all the time?” Then because she, you know, takes care of herself. Fine. So why are you gloomy? Because she doesn't look at me. Okay, she doesn’t look at you. She takes good care of herself and she doesn't look at you so you are gloomy. That’s the frustration. Fine. Done.
Now, I asked him again, “You look even more gloomy now, what's your problem? I thought the worst had already happened two months back, she was not looking at you”. He says, “Now my problem is that she looks only at me”. Now my problem is that she looks only at me and I tell you that is very very likely to happen.
A body-centered one who does not look at you is a problem but that day she starts looking at you, she'll be an even bigger problem because being body-centered she will get hopelessly attached to you. It's a problem when she does not look at you, it's an even bigger problem when she looks only at you and vice versa.
If you are gloomy because you do not have a thing then you do not know what misfortune awaits you when you will have that thing. And I deliberately say thing because when you want to have somebody that somebody is just a thing for you. Bad if you cannot have him and much worse if you have him. Attachment!
You know of immiscible liquids, don't you? As I close this answer, here is some entertainment for you. You obviously quote from your school days, “Oil and water as examples of immiscible fluids”. Oil and water are immiscible only if you are looking at short stretches of time.
Keep oil and water together for a long period of time and they will mix well or if you can have a high-speed stirrer, very high-speed stirrer and you can just rotate the two of them together. Again, they will become miscible. All you need is proximity in space and length in time and if you can have some catalyzing conditions, nothing like it. The story sounds familiar, doesn't it?
You can even cause two persons to fall in love with each other. You see that happening all the time in the movies, right? The friends on both the sides decide that these two chaps must fall in love, they must have some chemistry among them so they create conditions in which these two can, you know, fall in love. This falling in love is nothing but attachment.
Under the right conditions you can fall in love with anybody and if you have not fallen in love, it is just because those conditions have not arosen. Let those conditions arise and you will find that you have fallen in love.
The conclusion is dangerous which means that most of the love affairs that you see of or hear of or participate in are nothing but results of circumstantial forces. The circumstances were such that we came together. He used to live next floor or next door or he used to sit on the next bench and that is why now you will realize so many love stories end.
When the fellow in his high school finds that his dad has had a transfer to the other city. The girl is a classmate and it's such a fiery love affair but all the fire gets doused when the fellow finds that his dad and his dad, let's say in the police, that just received his transfer orders and now the fellow is going away to a city, 300 kilometers away and the love affair is all but gone.
How has this love disappeared? Because this love was totally dependent on circumstances and physical closeness. We look at each other daily so we have started feeling that we love each other. 99.99% population of this planet is a result of this kind of love.
You put a man and a woman together in a bedroom for successive days, weeks, months and years. What else are they going to do? You are actually forcing them to have sex. This sex is nothing but a result of length in time and closeness in space.
Closeness in space, you understand? The bed, the bed, the double bed. The double bed is the closeness in space. So, both of them are on the same bed and both of them are on the same bed endlessly, for weeks, months, years, so they will have sex. This sex is not a result of love or any kind of chemistry or any other kind of compatibility. This sex is just a result of time and space.
So you are not a product of that man and women. You are a product of that bedroom, that bed, that bed is papa and mummy. Had that bed not been there, no conception would have happened. See how in various ways does the mind starts tilting towards its physical nature rather than its transcendental nature. In other words, see how the mind starts tilting towards Prakṛti rather than truth or emptiness. Catch it then and there. That is your only possibility of survival otherwise you are gone.
You look at yourself in the mirror, in the morning and your face is gleaming because you have had a good sleep and just washed your face. Catch yourself. It is not the truth that you're appreciating but a particular structure of material and you are appreciating a particular structure of material, it means molecular chemistry is on its way. Catch yourself.
You will have occasions throughout the day. You look at a new car or a new motorbike and you just exclaim, “Wow!”. Now you know nothing about that car. All you have seen is the exteriors, the smooth glittering exterior and you have just said, “Wow!”. Catch yourself. You are opening yourself to attachment. You are inclining towards the material. You'll get pleasure, to begin with but after that, if you get what you are getting Pankaj, don't be surprised!
